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| fragrance ads are scary. | 12.05.2003 | |
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 the year: 2003. the mood: sarcastic, confused, craving your sister. the when and where for suzy’s birthday party: 1:00 tomorrow at the mcdonalds on lincoln street... wear yellow. ok, the actual topic: any fragrance advertisement, ranging from magazine ads to television commercials. the immediate response to any and all of them: [brief, contemplative pause] then, “what the hell was just happening here?” something tells me this isn’t about the cologne. well, everything tells me this isn’t about just the cologne. cologne, itself, even issued a statement—presumably affirming that “it isn’t about the ‘cologne’”—but it was written in german so no one will ever really know for sure. this goes beyond pretty smells. this goes beyond anything mere articulation can express. when you witness an advertisement of this nature, you have just walked in on something very messy. you can’t help but feel like you just involved yourself in something slightly over your head. just remember to take a few slow, quiet steps backward... and don’t touch anything! the fragrance industry (in apparent conjunction with the betty ford center) has crafted this new genre of advertisements that not only impel us to purchase their fragrance, but also to: try heroin, quit work, lose enough weight to qualify for “emaciated” status, dress in skimpy, silky doilies, and stand against a nondescript, surreal looking backdrop while staring mysteriously into the distance. usually, there is a small fragrance bottle in some corner of the ad. but, that is more of a momentary reprieve than an enticing advertisement. because, if you have a... well... rather pornographic ad... your focus is on the models (no matter how whacked out they appear to be). not the post-apocalyptic background, not the poetic sales pitch, and certainly not the tiny perfume bottle. and these models aren’t the high school football stars and college frat boys turned respectable construction workers that your parents cross their fingers over. instead, they are the type that your father always warned you about: the overly emotional type with veins loaded with more illegal drugs than white blood cells and carrying more baggage than an airport conveyor belt. god, these people look so fucking ornery. i can’t picture them ever going to the zoo. actually, the only other place i can picture them is on a soap opera... for which, they have been inexplicably ignored in favor of more plastic looking actors with less convincing “i’ve been through hell and back” looks. enough hacking around the hedge... every single person involved in the creation, development, and production of these advertisements is on some serious drugs. they all need to chill. because right now, they’re just begging for someone to pour water on them and slap them around a little. all things considered, these ads make me feel really dumb. i don’t know what the advertisement “means.” i don’t know what i’m supposed to feel like. i can’t even fathom an experience that would cause those dramatic, intense facial expressions... i don’t even think one has even been invented yet. to me, it just looks like a bunch of junkies standing in some sort of menacing, black-souled vortex. and i don’t know why i’d want to smell like them, or purchase a scent that they advertise. when—on occasion—i do wear cologne, i would like it not to have the effect on my life that these models seem to be projecting. i feel like if i wear the cologne... and don’t harness the "emotional power" it gives me (?)... i’m going to end up getting raped or something. well, whatever. it’s suzy’s birthday tomorrow... and in lieu of all of this, i’m just going to stick to getting her a big-ole pack of jelly bellys. |
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| 1:48 pm | sui generis said this. | |
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