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| theory on bookmobiles. | 11.17.2003 | |
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 the only way that i can justify bookmobiles is to think of them not as large vans that humans drive with a small library crammed in the back, but as creatures... creatures put on this planet by god. these creatures were to roam the earth in bliss, without a care in the world. and then, somewhere along the way, they developed both a strong concern for the literacy of humans and an uncompromising compassion to do something about it. my theory is this: bookmobiles were one of the last creatures that god created, but they were there in time to hail down the arc before all that crazy flooding happened. maybe they were mammals, or maybe they weren't. how baby bookmobiles came out of the vaginas of mother bookmobiles is irrelevant. only horny scientists care about that. anyway, i'd theorize that they roamed the grasslands of middle america. they were happy. content. at peace. then, as the bastardized europeans came over and claimed this land as their own, indians and bookmobiles were uprooted. unlike the indians, bookmobiles were blessed with a relatively easy transition to a nomadic lifestyle. because, as you can see, they are inherently mobile. fast forward to 1993. i'm in the seventh grade. our teacher encourages us to patronize the bookmobile's weekly stops in our town because "it'll send a message to washington." what that message was, to this day, i have no idea... and why these creatures felt obligated to assist with the scintillating industry of book-loaning; i don't think anyone will ever know for sure. you may be thinking: why can’t bookmobiles actually be human-piloted large vans, with small libraries in the back... as they appear? well, there’s a few obvious reasons humans could not possibly have conceived of bookmobiles: 1. bookmobiles aren't that mobile. they aren't like the semi on knight rider that kit and michael knight have to drive into while both vehicles speed down a highway. although, man, that would be a fuckin cool way to borrow a book. instead, they park themselves in centralized spots that are predetermined by the town. wait, you may say, these mobilized libraries park? yes, they stay in one spot like... libraries. only for shorter periods of time. these scheduled "stops" that the bookmobiles make are usually in the following locations: a school, a centrally located church, the town hall, and the parking lots of libraries. at this point, i'm sure you're reading my mind... schools: most, if not all, have their own libraries within. library parking lots: hmm, well... maybe it's for loading and unloading. you know, docking purposes? churches and town halls: if you can't make it to the regular library, with its full assortment of books, would it really be more convenient to make it to the bookmobile's stop down the street? if anything, at least the individual stops at the church and town hall heed our desire to maintain a separation of church and state. 2. bookmobiles don't have many books. i mean, how many books can you display in the back of a van? for specialized reading queries, they'd have to refer you to a larger building full of books... a library. 3. elusive bookmobiles can make returning books difficult without: an accurate schedule, some sort of bookmobile-global-positioning-device, or a lighter and package of flares. however, to avoid late returns... there might be another establishment at which to return your books. do i even need to mention what that place might be? needless to say, i feel that my theory of bookmobiles being slightly eccentric, yet well-intentioned creatures explains everything. while lacking our evolved sense of practicality, the bookmobile species is there to offer whatever aid it can to improve american literacy. a commendable, selfless act toward the same people that strong-armed their peaceful plains away from them. them and the indians. with the chaotic nature of large cities, it's no wonder they still prefer inhabiting small towns. and since i haven't noticed one since moving to the city, the function of bookmobiles may be something that will forever be a shrouded mystery of small town life. |
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| 6:05 am | sui generis said this. | |
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