|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
"a walk in the clouds." |
11.15.2003 |
|
|
|
|
so, i went to visit a fortune teller. no, it wasn't my idea. my friends and i were playing “truth or dare.” i always safely choose ‘truth’... but in our version of the game, if you cannot answer the ‘truth,’ than you have to do the ‘dare.’ and so when shroeder asked me to find the implicit differentiation of:
y' = dy/dx for x3 + y3 = 4, assuming that y was a function of x.
i was forced to take the ‘dare.’ shroeder is such an asshole. at least i didn't have to pour cranberry juice on my boxers, freeze them for the rest of the night, and then wear them the next day like my friend nick had to. but still, i had to go to a fortune teller.
i hated that i had to do it alone. she had such a creepy, grimy little den. that is, aside from a collection of drawings that were displayed on one of the walls. john cusack elementary, down the road, sponsors this thing where students' artwork is displayed in local businesses. so, on the wall was a portfolio of art done by mrs. damewood's fourth grade class. most all of it sucked. kids are so bad at art.
the rest of the dimly lit place was full of cheap, old halloween decorations and more gargoyles than gotham city had. i walked in. as the door creaked behind me, the old lady looked up and shrieked, "give me a second, hon." she quickly put away the chick-filet that she had been eating and covered her knicks throwback jersey with a black robe. i got the impression that she doesn't get much business.
she flipped this switch behind her, and a hissing started. soon, clouds of fog began to fill the room. that’s when her spooky den was transformed to look like our ninth grade homecoming dance. and her hair was so oily. in fact, she looked like she had just been swimming near an exxon-valdez spill. but, there wasn’t trapped ducks and seagulls stuck to her. and when she smiled at me, her teeth looked british. this... was the worst dare ever!
she began by reading my palms. as she touched my hands, she said she could see “an accident... a hand injury.” hey, i thought she was a fortune teller. as in... the future. see, when i was in the fifth grade, i fell off the back of a four-wheeler my friend was driving, and it ran over my hand. apparently, she could still feel where my bones healed. this clairvoyance thing is a sham.
after that, she had me lift up my shirt and turn around. she proceeded to check my back for scoliosis like a school nurse.
finally, it was time for the crystal ball. i was excited; but, the ball was sorta clunky, not the magical, glowing crystal ball you'd expect. i wanted her to cut to the chase and tell me what she sees in my future, but it took awhile cause she kept switching the crystal ball back to try to catch the end of “queer eye for the straight guy.”
finally, staring deeply into the ball she said it, "an unexpected event will bring you riches.” what the?! that’s it? what a hack! this woman is a glorified fortune cookie. i dropped a twenty on the table and left in a cloud of dry ice. |
|
|
|
| 5:33 am |
xander said this. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
| more frequent updates? |
yes, yes, children. we are back! be sure to sign up at the mailing list below to receive notices on phrensick updates.
we will be updating our list shortly to those of you IDIOTS that checked up on the site while we were on an eight-month hiatus! |
|
| mailing list! |
sick of visiting phrensick and seein' the same old un-updated site? well, join the mailing list and be alerted to new posts.
go to the contact page... remember to put in your email address... and put "add list" in the body.
god, phrensick's always on the cusp of technology. |
|
| POLL |
last night, phrensick polled the current 40-man roster of the MILWAUKEE BREWERS to find out their favorite and least favorite posts.
2003 Milwaukee Brewers favorite post:
XANDER'S "Owimoweh, Owimoweh."
2003 Milwaukee Brewers least favorite post:
SUI GENERIS'S "Popcorn Carts."
(poll was taken of the seven players that returned their questionnaires) |
|
| response to POLL |
all i have to say to the milwaukee brewers: sarcasm and base hits... who would've guessed the brew crew couldn't get either?
~sui generis |
|
| visit the about page |
to learn more about this site and the writers.
|
|
| visit the contact page |
and let your thoughts be known.
|
|
| and visit the archive page |
if you're really that bored.
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
