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decrying wolves. |
04.22.2004 |
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mr. norbert, my history teacher, is not only the athletic coordinator of the high school (as in most schools), but he's also a sculptor. i haven't really seen any of his work in-person... but i've seen some photographs... and, surprisingly, it's pretty impressive. he does everything from wooden sculptures (from abandoned tree trunks), ice sculptures (from abandoned mammoth chunks of ice), to clay sculptures (of abandoned, runaway teenage girls).
as a sculptor, mr. norbert taught us that rules are "only guidelines" and that "they're usually bad, archaic ones at that". i think that many of his cryptic, vocalized mantras are some sort of shrouded response to the school board's supposed misunderstanding of the "artistic license" he employs in order to craft such intricate clay portrayals of young female vagabonds without their clothes on.
outside of the desperate-looking, naked girl motif... mr. norbert also sculpts wolves and coyotes. probably more coyotes than wolves, but no one knows for sure... as all of his coyote semblances are kept in a secluded brick hut on the back part of his property. the hut is tightly guarded with a padlock, motion detectors, and, strangely, wolves.
legend has it that mr. norbert used to keep all of his creations locked away in small huts. however, the hut that originally contained the wolves, which was made of straw, and the stick-hut that encased the sculptures of the naked women were both unable to weather the huffing and puffing of the brutal winds of pennsylvania. that, or their demise had something to do with those wolves that currently surround the brick hut.
but, as we've learned in mr. norbert's history class, everyone always blames everything on wolves. from massacred sheep to missing grandmothers. and, presently, from wolf feces and slobber (in areas where there are wolves) to... well, more missing grandmothers (i read somewhere that for every two grandmothers you see, there is another one out there in the world somewhere. missing. actually, one of the grandmothers you just saw... is probably missing from some other place... like, maybe delaware. or zimbabwe. or something).
in fact, mr. norbert chooses his subjects and mediums based on how much society (or he) blames them for things. wolves, we've discussed. but, according to mr. norbert, we also blame wood for forest fires, ice for strange topographic deformities that the goddamn glaciers left all over the place, coyotes for looking a lot like wolves and therefore inheriting all the blames we put on wolves, and, finally, young teenage girls for... well, maybe that's a personal thing.
unfortunately, this is mr. norbert's last year of teaching. he announced his retirement two weeks ago during forth period. he stood in front of us, with tears in his eyes, and explained that he was leaving teaching in order to spend more time sculpting. he was pretty broken up about it. occasionally, he would get all choked up and, to keep his "announcement" moving along, the members of the school board (which were standing behind him at the time) would poke him with one of his own wooden sculptures. it was a sculpture of a branch of an aspen tree, and it was even created from aspen... which was a nice norbertian touch.
my friend shroeder somehow has access to all the schools' personnel files. at lunch the next day, shroeder asked us if we thought it was weird that he was "voluntarily" leaving one year short of his pension. we all thought about it for a minute, realized that we didn't know what that meant, and decided to dare each other to snort turkey gravy up our noses through our milk straws.
i really hate to mr. norbert go, he was a great teacher. he'd always let us guys sit in the back of the classroom if we wanted to... and sometimes he'd give the girls extra bonus points for silly things... like if they'd wear tight shirts and stuff. i hope we aren't to blame for him quitting teaching. our class wasn't bad or anything. actually, because he gets to do his art now... i don't know if anyone's to blame for mr. norbert leaving.
i hear his next scupture is of the school board?! man, i hope he isn't losing his touch. |
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| 2:50 am |
xander said this. |
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| more frequent updates? |
yes, yes, children. we are back! be sure to sign up at the mailing list below to receive notices on phrensick updates.
we will be updating our list shortly to those of you IDIOTS that checked up on the site while we were on an eight-month hiatus! |
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| POLL |
last night, phrensick polled the current 40-man roster of the MILWAUKEE BREWERS to find out their favorite and least favorite posts.
2003 Milwaukee Brewers favorite post:
XANDER'S "Owimoweh, Owimoweh."
2003 Milwaukee Brewers least favorite post:
SUI GENERIS'S "Popcorn Carts."
(poll was taken of the seven players that returned their questionnaires) |
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| response to POLL |
all i have to say to the milwaukee brewers: sarcasm and base hits... who would've guessed the brew crew couldn't get either?
~sui generis |
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